Together After All These Years

Tara and Daniel’s twin boys, Linus and Micah, sleep the peace of enjoyment.  After a long weekend of playing with new friends, sleeping in new rooms, being with new caregivers, and all the new people they've met, this is the sleep that you would wish for them. 

This weekend there were two reunions taking place at the same time, and we had to split our time to get to both of these important events.

One was the 40^th reunion of the Farm.  People from all over the world coming in for this reunion.  The tradition started 40 years ago when three friends, one of whom used his student loan funds to pay for his share of the three way split for some land on a mountain top.  Not much there at the time, and not much there even now.  A house, a barn and the woods.  It didn’t matter what wasn’t there.  It mattered more who was there.  And so each year for those early years, friends would gather each summer for a reunion.  Then as the years went by, they would meet every few years, then every four years for a while.  And now, it’s been five years since they gathered round.  The old bands and musicians joined back together to play again, and there were so many, they got started early in the day.

The other reunion was the ten year reunion for the students, now alumni, who traveled to Central America in the 2002 spring semester study program.  These students studied Spanish, worked on community service projects, interviewed their home stay families, met coffee workers, politicians, local leaders, and were always followed by their local village children and so many more.  They were surprised, overwhelmed, engaged, and enriched by their experiences.  In the processå they learned more about the issues and concerns of each of the countries of Guatemala, Honduras, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and El Salvador.   They learned about themselves and each other and their lives were changed and forever transformed.  The lives they now lead are shaped by their service, passion and commitment to making this world a better place.

Amazing things have happened no doubt for all these individuals in these interim years.  The joy of coming together was no different for either group.  What mattered was that we could reconnect, renew and revitalize by being together.  And many of us will look ahead and look forward when we can join back again.  We realize that the love, the understanding, and the interest and caring for each other  is what makes the fabric of each of these communities so rich and so rewarding.

Photo: Jerry McCollum, The Morning After

Thank You

Nick Beymer free climbs and reaches the top.  Friends ready to spot him.  Riggins, Idaho

In this photo, Nick climbed to the top of the boulder on his own talent, tenacity, skills and strength. His friends were at the ready, arms extended in case he needed help, in case  he fell - a safety net of encouragement, guidance and advice.  None of us have arrived at this point without this network of friends.  The picture above helps me reflect as my six months of time-off from work has been a time of reflection and learning full of gratitude and thanks.  

In Patti Digh’s book, Life is a Verb, the last, last exercise is to list 20 people “who have helped you in your life and write one or two sentences that capture the gift they have given you”.  This took hardly any time to list and easily going over 20 people, the list is just a start.  It’s not about the assignment, and yes, it is all about the assignment.  The list continues.  

A List of Thank You’s

·      Maurice H – thank you for being the first one who taught me not with words or definitions about the true meaning of altruism - you lived in service to our world by saving each wild cat species that you studied and researched, one by one.  Thank you for showing me there are no boundaries, no holding back when you are pursuing your dreams.

·      Roger W – thank you for supporting me through my graduate degree when no one thought I would finish.  It meant the world to me that you said, let’s get you done.

·      Tom J – thank you for setting the grading criteria so high and for grading with such detail and rigor.  Thank you for the lessons learned in your classes that continue to guide me with professionalism and grace.

·      Dick M – thank you for sharing your vulnerability with me and trusting me to share with you.  Thank you for your trust and respect which expanded my horizons beyond my own boundaries.

·      Joan K – thank you for always speaking your truth and for listening to me.   Thank you for showing no fear even when you were not sure, and following your conviction which was always true north.

·      Carolyn B – thank you for your love of life and your never-say-die spirit amidst all challenges.  Thank you for being an angel of mercy and showing me how to live with fierce love, over-the-mountaintop joy and down-to-earth realism.

·      Dr. Mikey – thank you for loving me even when you did not have time and for teaching me how to dance to the music of life.  Thank you for caring for all our forgotten children and living out your commitment to making sure they were safe and secure.

·      JP – thank you for living out loud, for laughing full-heartedly, and for caring for us. Thank you for being so smart and using your smarts to save our environment.

·      Chris W – thank you for believing and showing us what true spirituality can be. Thank you for showing me how to walk with faith.

·      Kim Jurmu – thank you for loving me beyond what I knew and for making our friendship so front and center.  Thank you for helping me to see what’s possible and never giving up.

·      Gordon W– thank you for seeing beyond this life and believing that I could do and should do everything in my power to be the best that I can be.

·      B-rob – thank you for having a grand vision and making our university the best that we can be.  Thank you for believing in me, no if's, and's or but's, just believing and you empowered me to believe in me too.

·      Kathy S – thank you for your undivided attention in listening to me, always, no matter what.  Thank you for having my back which gave me the courage to do.

·      Fatima O – thank you for always anticipating my needs and the grace by which you prepared me for what I did not even anticipate.

·      Carrie S – thank you for always being ready for my next thought, and jumping 10 steps ahead in readiness.  Thank you for always giving without even thinking of what might be there in return.

·      Marianne H – thank you for giving me your time when I knew you didn’t have the time.  Thank you for your joyousness and humor when life each day sometimes is not that fun.

·      Terry M – thank you for your deep faith in humanity, your belief in doing powerful works, and your ability to bring peace into all settings and all places.

·      Doug S– thank you for your passion and persistence in making all our lives better.  Thank you for speaking truth to power when no one cared to speak up.

·      Lulu G – thank you for maintaining who you are when so many do not care, and for singing your love of life.  Thank you for persisting and showing us how to live with grace, truth and culture.

·      Nick B – thank you for believing that there is a better life than what others may say. Thank you for putting your life out there and never pulling back.

·      Walt L– thank you for always setting the bar high, pushing all of us to go for more, instilling quality and creativity.  Thank you for your heart and passion for all things that matter.

·      Cheryl – thank you for putting up with Walt and all his and our craziness. Thank you for striving for a more wondrous life and always giving care to your lovely family.

·      Raymond R– thank you for living fully as a multi-dimensional being to your highest and best.  Thank you for inspiring me and our world to reach into the universe for all that is good and right.  

·      Patti D – thank you for sitting the hell down and writing your truth, your passion, and your loves.  Thank you for sharing yourself and your family so that I can be brave enough to write my life and my stories.  I couldn't have done this without you.  Seriously, I couldn't.

·      WB – thank you for all these years of patience, growth, and jokes.  Thank you for always pumping up my bike tires, for never seeing our lives apart, and for the sense of safety and security without which I could not reach for the stars. 

·      Jack C. – thank you for your brilliance and showing us how to truly see what is in place.  Thank you for your kindness, gentleness and your joyous full-world perspective that has taught me to see more - over, under, and around, and to pay closer attention without judgment.

·     Peggy P – thank you for living with a vision for how we can be with each other without diminishing any part of us.  Thank you for guiding me in all ways global with elegance and love. 

·     Cathy R – mil gracias por llevarme a España y la apertura de un nuevo mundo! Thank you for taking me to Spain and opening a whole new world!  Thank you for always finding the best and the most fun in all situations whether we were lost or really lost! and moving forward come what may!

·     Mike H - thank you for always treating me as though we are your family because for you, we are.  Thank you because I know if I ever needed the shirt off your back, you would never hesitate to give it to me, and that has made all the difference in the world.
·     Elizabeth, Erica, Tiffany, Nancy, Kristina, Tami, Allison - all my yoga teachers over these years - thank you for helping me to be more bendy, to be brave and courageous, and to learn how my whole person can be aligned in the power and energies of our world.  I am learning the lesson that how I live on my mat, is how I live each day.

So many more to thank and to add to this list, and perhaps without your knowing, your handprint upon my life, upon my heart continues to be deep and wide and for that I am grateful.   And the list goes on.

Have We Met Before?

Recently we flew home to San Francisco to meet relatives that we have never met, barely knew their names, and only knew them through old stories and old photos.  


Storytelling, an old art, allows us to know many people, events, and history.  My mom was a storyteller.  These stories she told gave us a sense of identity-of who we are, where we’ve come from, who came before us and what we were made of and upon whose shoulders we stand on.  Her stories gave us a sense of place, a sense of history in the long line of relatives, and a sense of belonging that filled in the spaces where there were no cousins, no aunts and uncles, no grandparents while growing up.  Her stories presented how she saw her world, her truth, her reality.  


I now realize these stories presented her values; honor your parents and elders, family is central, obligations and responsibilities above all else, and to be in harmony and balance as in nature.  She told us what was most important for her, what she loved, what she remembered and why she wanted what was best for us.

After many years of hearing these stories, we were finally going to meet some of mom's relatives, our relatives.  What do we say?  How do we connect?  These questions run through my head;

What do you remember about our mom?

What was she like as a child? Was she funny?

How old were you when she left China and went to the United States?

Did you miss her?

What more do you remember?  
Can you tell us about our grandparents?

Tell me about our family?  How many boys, how many girls?

Who was the oldest? Who was younger?

Which auntie? Who was her husband, what is his name?

Which uncle?  What was his wife's name

What did they do? How many kids did they have?  Who are our cousins?

When did you move to Australia, did you all move at the same time?

And more questions.  And they answered with grace, humor , generosity and love.  

Remembering Mom and Dad, adding flowers

At Chinese Cemetery, Fay and Jek Louie headstone.
L to R:  Robin Choong,Shanchee Choong, Auntie Jean,
Cousin Jennifer, Auntie Hong

Wayne and Robin Choong

1st Cousin Alan Li and wife Dorothy 

1st Cousin Cathy and husband, Dennis Gee

L to R:  Cousin Jennifer Choong, Auntie Jean, mom's 3rd 
and youngest sister, and Auntie Hong, mom's 2nd sister.

Walt Louie, LA, CA, and Robin Choong, Sydney, AUS

The Clan at the Golden Gate Bridge lookout

Brother Walt, Cheryl, Anna and Jessie Louie

Attempt to list mom's family members over dinner 
on the paper placemat.

 Cousin Jennifer and Shanchee Choong brought
 a photo to show their current family members

Home Base

Perhaps we can never go home or come home once we have moved away.  And though you know that once you leave, all sorts of things change - people, places and the environment, you can't help but remember the place and people as though it was the same as when you left.  Home is like home base when we played sand lot baseball as kids.  The lot was rough and never the same because during the week, the construction continued on.  But on Sunday mornings when we gathered to play, we always designated home base – solid, steady, always the same, no matter what had happened during the week.  And we set out the rest of the ball field around where home base was set down.  And when you made it round the field, and were able to come into home base, then you knew you were SAFE! and you scored one for the team.

So going home gives me that sense of what might have happened in the meanwhile -- will home still be recognizable, will the cable cars still be running, will Eastern Bakery still be open, will we be able to have the best dim sum in Chinatown, will Golden Gate Park and the tennis courts still be open, will St. Mary's Church still be standing tall and steady, will Grant Ave be packed with shoppers on Saturday, will I still be able to understand my Cantonese language and be able to speak to my relatives, will we still find mom and pop grocery stores on the corner, will the Chinatown playground still be available, will Cafe Trieste still be making the best espresso?  

Will the city be the same as I’ve remembered?  Will it be all different?  What will have changed, or will no longer be there?  What's new?  What's growing and getting better?  I hope that it will not have changed too much, and at the same time, I hope the city is as vibrant and dynamic as ever, and that can only happen with change and growth.

Going home, coming home - home base.

Keep Writing, Keep Writing

And so I turned around and took a look

Where had all the essays gone?

I remember agonizing over the themes,

The perspectives, getting the right voice,

Paying attention to the meter and the rhythm

Keep writing, keep writing

Sitting and waiting for the inspiration as

I played with my pen.  Changing the pen for

a better one, a smoother writing pen.

The paper staying blank but for the doodles.

Ah, change to the computer, quicker to catch

All the words, all the stories that will begin

to flow at any moment.

Keep writing, keep writing

Staring out the window, watching the birds land

Playing with these images and the

metaphors, trying to elicit the right nuance

Of the bird in flight, light on the wing, and . . .

Looking to the sky for more inspiration,

The clouds billow, floating without notice, and  . . .

Keep writing, keep writing

Reflecting what each of these items may mean,

what magic did they hold or symbolize.  The ring

on my finger and what that means for my relationships,

The scar alongside my arm and the battles fought

so long ago.  The memories float forward and I am

lost in the crystal clear land of remembering and I

am transported back to another time, another

circumstance.  Pangs of emotions surge forward

keep writing, keep writing

Because if I write enough,

I may dwell in that ghostly memory,

unveiling like a lost dream and

I can again hold onto my youth,

my early loves, my early dreams again.

And only then begin to conjure new vistas

to dig for the understanding and the learning,

to comb the landscape for wisdom, and

to form new horizons.

keep writing, keep writing

What do I need to tell you, what more can I say?

My story is deep, almost lost for the years of silence

all consuming, and now undeniable.  

There is no rest, no matter the

distractions, no matter the interruptions.

No matter that the timing is not right,

the descriptions do not match the images,

the meter and rhythm do not sync and flow

No time to waste, no time to stand still

Keep writing, keep writing

The things we carry . . .

Oh, the things we carry to define who we are.

There was a time that she knew she was NEVER going to carry a purse.  Her father, grandpa, uncles and boy cousins didn’t have purses.  But all the women around her did, carry purses they did.

SHE needed to keep her hands free, to be able to grab on, to explore, to find things, to dig up things, to put up her fists in case of a fight – who knows what she might have to do to save the day?!  Everything you needed was in your hands, in how quick you could figure things out-use your brain! and be ready for anything.  Strong arms, strong legs - she could outrun or chase down anyone and anything.  Purses tied up one hand and slowed you down.  Pockets were your friend and you could stuff all you needed into them.


THEY wore high heels and could not run or skip down the street, wearing tight straight skirts and then they would have to sit with their knees together.  She was told early on – good girls knew how to sit properly with knees together and ankles crossed and hands in your lap.  No siree, none of that for her.  And so for years she carried only what she needed in her pockets, because the needs were different then.  Always ready.  The freedom she defined by not becoming the accessory to her life.

When did life become so full, so busy beyond what could be handled with just your bare hands?  Pockets so small.  Even pants without pockets now.  And somewhere, over time, over the softening, the knowing, the need that comes with life, she found that life was a balancing act – and her purse became her toolkit - keep those meds close at hand, eye drops, chapstick, lipstick, smart phone, credit cards, glasses, sunglasses, instant coffee, teabags, pens, pencils, highlighter, flash drives, and of course, 3x5 notecards.  Always ready.

Oh, the things we carry to define who we are.

I forgot . . .

When you bring together a lot of people who are well traveled, who are curious about the world, and who love meeting new people, and you begin to share and tell each other stories, you find out that there really is less than six degrees of separation.

I just saw Khalil in the main office - what a surprise! and there he was speaking with Beth from our program.  It's been a long time since I've seen Khalil and though we both live in Spokane, WA, we rarely see each other.  He is finishing up his doctorate program while working full time.  He has a growing family with two beautiful young girls, and the last time I saw him that I can remember was when his first daughter was born seven years ago.

I forgot there was a time when Khalil lived in our home in Moscow, Idaho, when he started his doctoral program; Khalil has a history with Beth and they’ve known each other since their early years in Spokane, but haven’t seen each other in a long while; Beth knows two other folks who currently live in our condo through different work environments; I met Beth for the first time when she showed up for the program which I am co-leading.  Now I know Beth and Khalil and I have this one circle of friendship out of so many others.

And the circles continue, intersecting and overlapping, and the joy that comes from knowing such wonderful people who know such wonderful people who know such wonderful people and it goes on.
  

L to R:  Cookie, Nagesh, Esther, Khalil, Tatyana

And with each of these people who come from all parts of the world, who knows how else we are connected and how we know or forgot that we know our connections.  Coming together once a year helps us remember and we find that in that year, we may have many more connections.  The surprise is always in our sharing.  That’s how it works sometimes when you come to together and share your stories.

And perhaps I forgot how we are so universally connected and that we hold an energetic power in the lives and the work that we do to bring forward peace.  May there be peace on earth.

Ten Things I Know to be True

These days of learning and teaching at the Summer Institute for Intercultural Communication (SIIC) only take place once each summer every year since the 1970s.  Some say it is like the enchanted and magical city, Brigadoon, that appears in the highlands of Scotland for one day each 100 years.  This outstanding institute for global learning and sharing is magical in its own way. 

I find I want to capture everything, and if I make this list daily, it's one way to reflect on my day - I am grateful for the learning and teachings, I give thanks for those I meet, and I look forward to the miracles of tomorrow.  I am humbled by the dance of the faculty and participants in giving and sharing.

Ten things I know to be true

The most powerful learning takes place at my edges

The more I can learn about the person, the more I can accept what they are saying

Everyone is interesting, everyone has a sacred story, and if I listen carefully, they will share it with me.

We want to be heard.

If I choose to focus on one thing, for that moment, I see more

I don’t always believe what I see even though it is right in front of me

My mine wanders and I should follow it

Telling stories reveals our values, attitudes and behaviors

We don’t laugh with joy as often as we should

It’s good to switch roles; if you are a teacher, be a student.  If you are a student, be a teacher

Ten things I know to be true

Coming together for learning and teaching is a wonderful gift I have given myself

If I look carefully into each person’s eyes respectfully as they speak, I can feel what they are telling me

Speak the person’s name as they serve you, and they are better able to see you

Make sure you see the person who you are engaging with, and you will learn more

Sometimes all is communicated in a loving look across the room

Going forward with a joyful intention, knowing I will be learning new things makes my day filled with richness beyond imagination

Knowing this week of learning will be over soon pushes me to hold each moment with both hands

Being challenged and provoked used to cause me to shut down and resist.  Now with patience, I know this is where the new thinking will come from.

Watching the dawn rise always helps me to reflect on my learning.

Watching the sunset affirms my resolve to do more 

Moments of silence brings clarity.

Who do you think I am . .

Who do you think I am

as you create me through your fractured lens?

Where do you think I’m going

as you see me stomping towards you

while I only can tip-toe on egg shells around you

How do you give meaning to words that I have not uttered

but you chose to translate and interpret

to fit arguments in your one-way conversation?

You hear me say hurtful things 

though nothing has come from my mouth

What do you imagine is my purpose when

you can only see me through your self image

You do not want to hear my story

unless it sounds like your version

And when you do not hear from me,

you say it is my fault for not listening to you

And thus you decide that I am not worthy

to be the friend that you thought me to be

You decide that I have intended to hurt you

by tossing away the years of friendship

that you have conjured

You’re willing to blame me for your heartache

which I understand as I have not been

a part of this imagined relationship

where you could not have seen me clearly

for the fractured lens of your life 

In Memory of Nora Ephron

I admired and have been a fan of Nora Ephron, writer, essayist, screenwriter and director for many years.  I read and laughed throughout her most recent book “I Remember Nothing”.  Ms. Ephron died on June 26, 2012, 71 years old, and I will miss her. May we all celebrate her life as we re-watch her films and re-read her books. 

The following are great quotes from her works:

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

As far as the men who are running for president are concerned, they aren't even people I would date.

Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.

I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.

I don't care who you are. When you sit down to write the first page of your screenplay, in your head, you're also writing your Oscar acceptance speech.

I try to write parts for women that are as complicated and interesting as women actually are.

In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.

My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next.

Nora Ephron’s films:

Julia & Julia (screenplay)                                      2009

Bewitched (written by)                                            2005

Hanging Up (screenplay)                                      2000

You’ve Got Mail (screenplay)                                1998

Michael (screenplay)                                              1996

Mixed Nuts (screenplay)                                        1994

Sleepless in Seattle (screenplay)                         1993

This is My Life (screenplay)                                   1992

 My Blue Heaven (written by)                                 1990

When Harry Met Sally          (written by)               1989

Cookie (written by)                                                  1989

Heartburn (novel/screenplay)                                1986

Silkwood (written by)                                               1983 

Perfect Gentlemen (TV movie)                              1978

Adam’s Rib (TV series)                                          1973 

What I know for sure . . .

What I know for sure is that I am determined to live with joy, good will, positive intention and peace.  DeWitt Jones says "Celebrate What's Right with the World", and he teaches us to choose a life of possibilities by being open to what's out there.  And sometimes we never will know the impact that we may have in our world.

BUT at times I unintentionally allow myself to be overwhelmed with,

• being late paying bills
• forgetting to pay bills
• running late to my meeting
• missing phone messages
• being upset by a comment from a friend
• participating in road rage
• forgetting to take my vitamins and meds
• skipping my yoga class
• eating too many french fries
• not eating enough vegetables
• letting the laundry stack up
• letting the dishes stack up
• staying up too late
• getting up too early
• putting off my daily writing
• and the list goes on

Then there are the worries about

• the national and global economy
• government spending and debt
• health care
• unemployment
• unknown reasons for bees dying
• water shortages
• energy consumption
• access to education for youth in poverty
• services for our elderly
• Social Security and retirement benefits
• the presidential election
• global safety and security
• war
• death
• famine
• and the list goes on

What power do I truly have in effecting systems change, saving the earth, sky, water and wind?  Have I contributed to negative outcomes in my own universe?  Who's responsible and what more can I do?

What I know for sure is that I received one email message today from my student thanking me for listening to her last year.  From that visit she felt encouraged and was writing to tell me about some decisions she has made.  She faced her truth, her challenges and took action. Her actions generated deep discussion, understanding and new perspectives for her and her important relationships.  She surprised herself with her own courage, strength and resiliency.  She spoke her truth and she was heard.  She is recognizing a power within her that she did not know that she had.  She thanked me for the time we spent.

What I know for sure is that I must live mindfully and be present in each moment.  To give all that I can with love and peace in my heart for myself, for our students, for all those we love and come in contact  each day, each moment.  To live honestly and truthfully and let go of the need to own everything, and to give of myself freely.  Because I may never know how far the rippling effect of positive intentions may travel.  If we are steadfast and committed to our vision, then  perhaps others will catch the wave and ride on beyond where even we can go.  See the possibilities.

I'm done with . . .

I’m done with trying to be someone that I am not.  This acting, this pretending to be someone that I am not takes too much energy that I should be putting towards building what I know I can be.

I’m done with wondering what life would be like if I would only  . . . lose the weight, work out more, strive more . . .  let me take action and just do it.

I’m done with going through the moment too fast with a full schedule each day and blurring one activity into another before finishing the first one, and realizing that I am the one trying to fill up each moment and no one else is to blame.

I’m done with getting lost along a path that I forgot to review, reflect and relish and going along because I didn’t want to face what would be the alternative to not knowing.

I’m done with being marginalized because society relegated me and others to this status, and seeing that I do not have to accept the status quo.

I’m done with learning how to do things the ‘right way’ without regard for my own style, my own personality, and my own gifts, talents and abilities.  Sometimes the right way just isn’t what is right for me.

I'm done with sitting, observing, and waiting for something to happen as if some-thing or some-one will come along, save us and life will be better.  I can create, initiate and lead .  

I'm done with NOT speaking up more for what I believe in while letting others say and dictate how our world should be.  Time to activate, say yes, speak up, and put your money where your mouth is.  

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

This was a lot tougher than I thought. I thought I would be able to write about you with so much love, affection and humor because all that you have done for me over these many years. After all that I have put you through. I thought I would have stories after stories rolling forward; proving the stalwart role that you have gently played and all the tough love that you have seen me through – so many ups and downs, more than a roller coaster could have incorporated. I thought I would write about the gentleness with which you stayed by me when I was lost in my youth – remember? the angst in my twenties when I could not figure out my purpose in life, my purpose for life, and hung in such delicate balance without any direction for what seemed an eternity? Dear Heart, you soothed me and nurtured me through those times. How could I forget?

I thought about writing the stories of the years of training, of the trials, and of the triumphs when I was fired up and kept you working so hard, getting into better shape with the miles of running and running. You kept my heart muscles strong, growing stronger all over – throughout my body as I added swimming and bicycling -- dreaming of a triathlon. You were my center, the headquarters for all things good and positive for my efforts. You orchestrated to the outer reaches of my being, coordinating each beat, each rhythm down to the efficient pulsing of my lifeblood. You never faltered, did you? You carried on and though you and I were not the fastest, we were steady – I knew that I could go to any lengths with you in my core.

I thought about writing how you’ve been there every step of the way, pushing me forward. The loves of my life, so many wondrous loves – truly the cupid was working in my favor and in cahoots with you! Ah, the loves that filled my life with so much happiness and continues to give me strength to strive for my dreams. The kind of love that builds each other and gives us the confidence to try anything, to reach for the mountain top, and to conquer all things, to work towards harmony, peace for everyone. You beat brightly for me and helped me to use every ounce of love for making our world a better place.

I thought the stories would tumble out so fast and furious, falling all over us. You were there – so many times, keeping me moving, rising each morning with no argument when I thought I would break, shatter from the heartache for the loss of my sister, of my friend Kim, and so many others over the years. You never let me put up walls, no blocking out because of the heartaches. And I then knew you would never desert me when Papa and then Mama died, and it seemed our family was so diminished. I thought I would never recover after each loss, but the steady beat, the thrumming of life continued to course through me – you kept me going beyond what I thought I could endure. Each time, each loss.

So when I sat quietly preparing to write about you, my dear heart, I was surprised now in this third chapter of my life, the stories did not immediately appear. I sat and waited for the memories, the experiences to overwhelm me. But silence, quietness enveloped me. Nothing appeared and I panicked. Come on! I know that my heart has seen me through so much. I know there is so much to tell. But the stillness lingered and then the pace slowed down, and slower even yet.

A sense of blooming awareness within me.  This stillness flowed into a sense of gratitude and awareness. We have been in coordination for all these years and the synchronicity of our movements is our being and knowing, and the stories are continuous and circular. Resting for the moment and appreciating and accepting all that you, dear heart, are to me.

Peace resides in my heart.

In celebration today when my first heart beat started July 6, 1950 in San Francisco, CA